Great Apes

I read a story about a guy who applied for a job at the zoo. He made it through two rounds of interviews before they gave him the job description. Apparently, the silverback gorilla had died during their annual “Great Apes” exhibition and they were desperate to keep the exhibit open. There was a new gorilla on the way to the zoo and they asked the guy to wear an elaborate gorilla costume to stand in for the dead silverback–just for a week or so.

The zoo staff assured him he would be safe. All he needed to do was sit in the corner of the habitat in plain view so people could get their selfies and pictures–easy money. A few hours into his first shift, the man got a cramp in his leg and had to stand up to stretch it out. To his surprise, people ran to the railing and started pointing and taking pictures. As he walked back to his corner the crowd got even more excited so he decided it couldn’t hurt to make a couple small gorilla-like movements to give the people what they had come to see. 

He sat in the watering hole, made some grunting noises, and scratched his back on a tree. The crowd went wild. By now the railing was packed and people were climbing all over each other to catch a glimpse of the amazing ape. The man figured he had given enough of a show and didn’t want to push things too far so he headed back toward his corner. On the way, he noticed a tire swing hanging from the tree. He couldn’t resist climbing up on the swing. The crowd lost their minds with delight. As he began to swing the tire back and forth he got a little carried away and swung so high he could see over the wall to the lion habitat. Before he could slow down, the rope snapped on the upswing and he landed with a thud inside the lion exhibit.

At this point, the man began to panic. Posing as a gorilla was one thing, but getting torn up by a lion was way outside his job description. He gave up the act and started screaming for help. “Get me out of here! I’m just a guy in a gorilla costume! Please, help me!” His cries for help got the attention of the male lion. The massive cat began to slowly make its way toward the panicked gorilla. The more he screamed, the faster the lion approached until it finally pounced and pinned the man to the ground. As he lay there, face to face with the king of the jungle, he realized that these were his last moments on earth. He let out one last whimper for help as the lion leaned in for the kill. Out of nowhere, the man heard a voice speaking to him in a harsh whisper. Impossibly, it was coming from the lion. 

“Shut up, man! You’re gonna get us both fired.”

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